Browsing Posts in Marriage

Question:

As salam alaykum wa raghmatulahi wa barakatuh. I contact you because the brother of my husband, has doubts about the fiqh of divorce.The fact is that he married twice, Western and Muslim marriage.His wife changed her character when marry.and he to make her change her character,made the decision to end the Western marriage,she went to live in another house until your character be good again but this does not happened.at this time my husband’s brother was in charge of keeping her and her son, food, shelter, expenses …… I think sharia indicates something about this.So far, it has also decided to end the Muslim marriage and do not know whether to again pay for a few months the cost of his former wife ?

Answer:

Walaikum salam wrt wb honorable sister,

All praise is due to Allah.

The husband is responsible for the upkeep and maintenance of his wives as long as they are married or she is in her waiting period after the first or second divorce. If she is divorced for a third time he is no longer responsible for her.

At the same time, the wife must remain in her husband’s home during the ‘iddah (waiting period) after first or second divorce. The length of the ‘iddah is 3 menstrual cycles or 3 months for a women who does not menstruate. If the woman is pregnant, her ‘iddah ends at child birth. In this case the husband is responsible for her maintenance for the entire length of the ‘iddah.

It is not permissible for the divorced wife (after first or second divorce) to leave her husband’s home. It appears strange that the divorced wife in your question went to spend her ‘iddah in someone else’s home. She should have stayed in her husband’s home until her ‘iddah was over.

As for any children, the husband is responsible for them irrespective of the status of their mother. He must continue to maintain all of his children.

Let me add that divorce is the most hated thing permitted by Allah. If the husband can reconcile with his wives and teach them that would be better and more beloved to Allah then divorcing them.

And Allah Most High knows best.

Destiny

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Question:

What role does Allah have in marriage? Based on what I know,
humans have free choice. Does that free choice extend to who we
choose as a bride or does Allah decide who we marry?
My brother’s marriage was arranged by my dad. My brother is educated
but his wife is not as educated. He argues with my dad saying he chose
his and it’s his fault (sorry, I hope you are following me.) But my
dad argues that it was Allah’s decision? I understand nothing can be
done to reverse the marriage but who is right in this case.
Is marriage decided for us ahead of time?

Answer:

Praises are to Allah, and peace be upon prophet Muhammed.

Walaikum salam wrb honorable brother,

When looking at the choices that humans make, and the choice that
Allah has destined, the choice of humans is a complete subset of Allah’s
choice. As Allah says in the Quran:

{ وَمَا تَشَآءُونَ إِلَّآ أَن يَشَآءَ ٱللَّهُ رَبُّ ٱلۡعَـٰلَمِينَ }

“And you do not will, except that Allâh wills, the Lord of the ‘Alamîn
(all that exists).” Surah Taqwir (29)

It is not correct to think a person’s will is opposite of what
Allah willed for the ‘Alamin.

Something that is destined by Allah, is bound to occur, and
everything in the universe leans towards and tends to follow
that destiny. What Allah destined will occur, and nothing
can change the destiny of Allah.

Allah has made all the events that occur in the universe in perfect
order and according to His laws. Allah makes the truth endure, and
the falsehood washes away like the foam in the ocean. There is nothing
in disarray or disorder, it is rather people who are ignorant of the
decree of Allah.

The solution to family problems is to
make sure that the ilm is inculcated in the lives of the whole
family. Bringing the whole family to the durus in the masjid;
seeking and asking and listening to the answers of the rulings.
It is incumbent on everyone to devote themselves to
the ilm and the ulema, so that they learn about Allah’s decree, and
know about the afterlife. If there is someone that is not educated,
one can become educated by studying and learning from our noble
ulema and imams. All that is required is that one have an eagerness
and devotion to learn. After spending time learning from our noble
ulema and imams, one would indeed be of the most educated
people of the world.

And Allah knows.

Shaikh Sajid

Question:

salam sheik
my question is are repented not to ever commit fornication again but i
still have pleasure on the memories is that am not sincere in my
repentance?

Answer:

Walaikum salam wa rahmatu Allahi wa BarakatuHu,
May Allah reward you tremendously for your question,
and I pray that Allah benefit you much with the knowledge.

Praises are to Allah, and peace be upon prophet Muhammed.

The ulema say that there are three conditions for the repentance to be
accepted:

1. Stop it.
2. Regret doing it.
3. Have a very strong resolve to never repeat it again in the future.

Once these conditions are met, Allah erases the sin from the account.
Allah also forgives sins for seeking the path to knowledge, and devoting
yourself to the ulema. Afterwards, the actions that one does afterwards
are considered new actions, and the old sin does not return to the account.

As advice, you can study the ilm in order to replace these memories of
doing something haram with the beneficial knowledge. Also you
should try your best to avoid these thoughts so that it does not lead
you to disobeying Allah. By attending the environment of ilm, it will
keep the whispers of shaitaan away. Also you can seek a way for marriage,
and raise a family devoted to the beneficial knowledge.

For masturbation, the ulema have stated that it is forbidden. Sexual postures
involving the anus are forbidden. Permanent forms of birth control are also
forbidden.

Allah forgives for being devout eager to learn the beneficial knowledge,
and removing the shawah (desires) of the nafs (soul).

And Allah knows.

Question:

Aslam o Alakam, I (32 years) and my whole family embraced Islam on 13 November 2010 including mom, dad, 3 brothers, 1 sister and repented from Qadianism/Ahmadiyyat but my wife (marriage held 8 Nov 2009 according qadiani law) did not embraced Islam and still following Qadianism/Ahmadiyyat and living with her parents home in other city and my daughter (3months) is still with her. I through phone and letters try to convince her and offered her to embrace Islam but she refused. Please answer the following questions.
1. What is the status of my marriage? Do I need to have any judicial judgment?
2. What are my responsibilities towards my wife and daughter?
3. Is she has a right of maintenance? Dower? Dowry article? Inheritance?
4. Who have the right of custody/hazanat of daughter?

Answer:

Praises are to Allah, and peace be upon prophet Muhammed.
Qadianism is a great deviation that takes a person out of the fold
of Islam, and is a result of people following their “hawa” (whims),
instead of following the ulema. Anyone that does not give up this
grave deviated belief is a kafir (disbeliever), that will enter the hell
fire along with the other disbelievers. This is because they failed
to listen the ulema, who convey the message of Allah, and were averse to them.

If they repent, and believe in the correct teachings brought to us
by our noble predecessor ulema, then they will be on the right faith.
Otherwise they have rejected the guidance that Allah has brought to
mankind, and following new innovated false beliefs, just like what
was innovated in other religions.

The revelation of Allah flows from Angel Gabriel, to prophet
Muhammed , may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him, to the sahabah, then to the people that follow them afterwards, in that chain.

Nevertheless, by being kind, and using wise words, hopefully you
can convince the people that are on this deviated belief to rid
themselves of this false innovated aqeedah (beliefs), follow the
aqeedah (beliefs) of our rightly guided predecessors, listen and be
devoted to our noble ulema.

For your questions,

1. Qadianis are given the same rulings as murtads (apostates). After you accepted the right belief, your wife remains for the duration of the iddat (normally 3 menstrual cycles). After that, if she does not accept the right belief, she is divorced.

2. After the iddat period, you are no longer responsible to support
your wife, except if you owed something to her. You may still get
back together after that if she repents. If she demands something for breastfeeding your daughter, you must provide her a reasonable compensation.

For your daughter, you have to provide her support, and this amount becomes a debt on you.

3. The maintenance is during the iddat period. After that, if you don’t
expect to be together, you no longer have to provide her support. For
your daughter, you have to continue providing for her, and teach her the correct beliefs; and rid her of the false innovated ideas that may have been said to your daughter.

The dower is the wife’s after sexual enjoyment with her, regardless
of if it is a monetary amount or an article. If she does not
repent, she does not inherit from you, nor do you inherit from her.
Disbelievers do not inherit from believers, and believers do not
inherit from disbelievers. If she is no longer your wife you
could leave her a bequest.

4. In this situation, where she does not repent, the child would go
the custody of the believing parent, according to the Islamic law.
If the legal system of the land prevents that custody, it is excused
because of compulsion.

This is the rulings according to the Islamic law, and Allah knows.

Shaikh Sajid

Question:

 Can my muslim boyfriend take me as a second wife even though I am nonmuslim. I have pronounced Shahada and I am studying Islam.

Answer:

According to the Islamic law, marriage is a contract that makes it legal for a man to have sexual relations with a woman. The marriage should be intended to be permanent, and the man has to support his wife and family financially providing for all her food and living expenses, and treating her with kindness. It is not allowed for anyone to have sexual relations except through a valid marriage.  It is not allowed for anyone to have sexual relations with anyone else besides their valid spouse.

       The Islamic law aims to keep a long term attachment between a man and woman, including financially, not meaningless and worthless relations. It is incumbant on all human beings to learn and  follow the commandments of Allah (God), not their feelings.  These are the commandments of Allah, and it is not allowed to say anything  bad about them, or make mockery of them.  It is not allowed to “sell” Allah’s commandments for a lowly wordly gain.   

      The regulations of marriage, conveyed to us by our noble scholars of the past, are explained in detail on this site. There are many beneficial audio lectures under the section “Fiqh of Marriage”.  I would encourage you to listen to them, and continue to learn about Islam, regardless of how it turns out with your muslim friend.   

      To answer your question, according to most of the Islamic scholars of the past, if you are a Christian or Jewish,  it would be allowed for him marry you, and take you as a second permanent wife, and he would have to provide for and treat you equally with his first wife.  Be sure to listen to the lectures.

And Allah knows.

Shaikh Sajid

Question:

[1] Sometimes people do have some marriage in the past and they end up having a divorce. Now when the same people try to go out to find another spouse for themselves they hide the fact that they were married to someone in their past. Is this allowed to hide earlier marital relationships that could not continue so that one can get a better wife ? Is this haram ? Because some one may view it as a hidden defect which if they get tp know later can this annuul the marriage ?

[2] Also the same happens with engagements . People who were engaged to some one earlier and their engagement could not materialize to a marriage end up hiding the fact they were engaged earlier while looking for potential spouses. Again is this allowed ? Or is it haram ? Hoow would one categorize these two acts in terms of Makruh / haram / Mubah etc.

Answer:

All praise is due to Allah.

Jazakumallahu khairan for your question.

The scholars state that it is forbidden (haram) to lie and conceal facts about one’s self from a potential spouse if they are asked about them. If this is done by either party, and the other party decides to go ahead with the marriage because if it, it could be grounds for an annulment later on. Muslims are required to be honest in their dealings.

Shaikh Ibn Jibreen says:

“The man is not obliged to tell his wife or her family that he is already married (or was married) if they do not ask him, but that is not usually concealed. Marriage cannot be done except after a period of researching and asking on the part of both spouses, to ensure that they are suited to one another. But it is not permissible to conceal anything. If one party lies and on the basis of that the other party decides to go ahead with the marriage, then the latter is given the choice. If he says that he is not married and he is lying, then she is allowed to have the marriage annulled. If they say that she is a virgin and that is not the case, then he has the choice of going ahead with the marriage or of leaving her.”

The exception to this rule is if one is asked about one’s past for which one has made full Tawbah. In this case, it is not obligatory to expose what Allah has concealed.

May Allah grant us from our spouses and offspring the coolness of our eyes, and make us foremost examples for the righteous.

And Allah knows best.

Question:

 

I dont mean to be rude but what was the reason for the prophet muhammad pbuh taking asiah as his wife at 9? I only ask because i want to come to his defense but im not educated on this matter. sorry if this question seemed inappropreiate but i had to ask it from my own knowledge and understanding. salaam!

Answer:

All praise are due to Allah.

 

The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, was the most noble of men to ever live, and the kindest of people to women.  He honored women and cancelled out the barbaric practice of killing infant daughters that existed prior to Islam, and commanded men to be kind to women.  He said, “Show kindness to women, for indeed they are fragile vessels among you .”

In our culture, one may assume that a man marrying a young woman would be exploiting her, since she is defenseless.  But according to Islamic Law, a man cannot marry a woman without the consent of her guardian, her father.  Any attempt to exploit a woman would be checked by her father, who would ensure that his daughter is protected and her rights are preserved, and that the marriage would be permanent and long term.

Regarding his marriage to ‘Aisha, there are many great wisdoms for this marriage, and it in no way detracts from his character, rather it shows the nobility of his character.  ‘Aisha’s father, Abu Bakr, trusted the Prophet peace be upon him so much, that he was willing to wed him his own daughter.  The Prophet Muhammad pbuh loved and respected Aisha, and treated her as a noble wife, and honored her.

Furthermore, Aisha was proposed to before the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him asked for her hand in marriage.  This indicates that such marriages were common in Arabia, and that women attained puberty earlier in such environs. 

We also note that ‘Aisha herself loved Prophet Muhammad, and devoted her life to teaching his sayings, called hadith.  In fact, another wisdom behind the Prophet’s marriage to her was because of her intelligence, and so that she could remain a leading scholar and judge many years after the Prophet’s death, a role which she indeed fulfilled.  She was the second most prolific narrator of Prophetic hadiths, and a top judge whom all the Prophet’s companions referred to for judicial rulings, a great honor indeed.

 

And Allah knows best.

Question:

There are problems and conflicts between my wife and my mother. Part of it has to do with the fact that my wife and I come from different cultural backgrounds. What should I do?

Answer:

All praise be to Allah, and may peace and blessings be upon Prophet Muhammad.

I am very happy to hear from you brother, and I pray to Allah that He
grants you wisdom and guidance in dealing with your situation.

You should know that conflict between one’s mother and one’s wife is a
very common problem, and in fact an ancient problem that goes back to
times even before Islam. It takes wisdom and patience in order to
deal with the complex issues that occur between them, and rectifying
between them is your duty as caretaker (Qayyim) of your family.

Let me address one issue at a time. As you know, your mother raised
you and wishes the best for you, but she may feel jealous at times at
the attention your wife recieves from you, and of course you used to
be with her all them time as her child, but now your mother may feel
that your wife has taken away all your attention from her, and after
all her hard work, your wife receives your caring, and this will
naturally cause some feelings of jealousy.

I only tell you this so you can try to understand why your mother may
be unknowingly harboring resentment towards your wife. May Allah
protect us from feelings of jealousy, but at the same time, these type
of feelings of resentment do happen. What you need to do is try to
offset this jealousy by praising your mother, calling her as much as
possible, and assuring your mother that you love her, perhaps buy her
flowers and presents, and show goodness and kindness to her.

Of course, your being patient with your mother is part of your good
treatment of her. However, as you know you do not have to listen to
her if she tries to cause harm between you and your wife, if she has
no valid reason for doing so. But your should still show your mother
kindness.

As for your wife, I believe those that you went to gave her good
advice. She should repel with that which is better. She should try
to be patient with your mom and respect her and show kindness to her, as if she were
her own mother. She should not respond back if your mother argues
with her, but rather just change the subject, and not dwell on it.
You may remind her of the great reward of being patient, for the
Prophet alayhi as salam said, “Whoever humbles himself for the sake of
Allah, Allah will raise him.”

As for your mom, my advice to her, is that just as she loves you, she
should try her best to love your wife as her own daughter. She should
not harm you by treating your wife harshly. She should try to
continue the goodly reward Allah will grant her for raising you by
helping you in your married life. She would not want to negate the
good she has done for her children by harming their marriages as they
grow older. Certainly Allah will grant her much reward and honor for
her hard work, if she does what is pleasing to Him.

You can also help your mother make good use of her time with learning
the classes of knowledge, and studying. One is never too old to
learn. They are many beneficial classes available online and she can
download them and listen. (Perhaps she can visit the site
www.ImamFaisal.com),

As for the rest of your family, I advise them with the words of the
Prophet in his final Khutbah: “There is no difference between and
Arab and a non-Arab, nor between black and white, except through
Taqwa.” Our Ummah must come together on the basis of our belief in
the Tawheed of Allah.

Remember, the words of the Prophet alayhi as salam to Abu Dharr when
he spoke unkindly about the race of Bilal’s mother: He said to him,
“You are a person who has Jahiliyya (ignorance) in you.”

All of us were created from Adam, and Adam is from dirt. Black,
white, Indian, Arab, it does not matter, all are equal in the sight of
Allah, and the only difference is through piety.

Mistreating your wife because she is of a different race is Dhulm. It
is not permissable in Islam, and one will be accountable for that on
the Day of Judgement if they do that.

Also remember the verse of Allah, “No bearer of burdens shall
bear the burden of another.” Whatever wrongs others have done
historically, that should not be used against one who has committed no
crime. Let them remember that your wife is their Muslim sister, who
has rights on them, and they should not harm her with their hand nor
behind her back with their tongues.

I make dua to Allah Most High to rectify your affairs, and grant you
and your family much love and kinship, and bring you together in His
Obedience.

And Allah knows best.

Wassalamualaikum wrt wb,

Imam Faisal

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